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PVC Pong

Many years ago I made up a variant of table tennis called PVC Pong, in which the ball is hit directly from paddle to paddle. The idea is to try to hit the ball onto a specific section of the opponent's side of the table. If it hits there, you win, but if it hits another part of the table or misses it entirely, you lose. When the ball comes your way, you must make a judgement call of whether to hit the ball back or not, depending on where you think the ball will hit the table.

In retrospect, by inventing a game where the ball is hit directly from paddle to paddle, I was probably trying to make it more like Pong.

PVC Pong table

Official Rules

1. A normal sized table tennis table is used with these modifications (see picture):
a) The net is 60cm high.
b) Each side of the table is divided into two halves by a line parallel to the net (the half line):
i) In half - the half furthest from the net.
ii) Out half - the half closest to the net.
2. The serving player is called the Pasta Masta. The receiving player is called the Scrag.
3. An initial rally decides who will be the Pasta Masta first. The server for this rally is decided by whatever method seems appropriate at the time. Possibilities include:
a) Coin toss.
b) Beer sculling contest.
c) Fisticuffs.
d) Quantum random number generator.
e) Walk-off.
4. If the Pasta Masta wins a rally they recieve one point. If the Scrag wins a rally they become the Pasta Masta and the Pasta Masta becomes the Scrag.
5. During a rally, the players hit the ball from paddle to paddle until:
a) The ball hits the In half of a player's side, at which point the other player wins.
b) The ball hits the Out half of a player's side, or hits anything other than the table or paddles, at which point the player who last hit the ball loses.
(In other words, when you hit the ball you want it to land on the other player's In half because you will win the rally. If it lands in their Out half, or on your side of the table, or if it flies off the table you lose the rally.)
6. It doesn't matter if the ball hits the net. Wherever it lands afterwards determines the outcome as per usual.
7. A player wins when:
a) They have at least 11 points, and at least 2 more points than the other player.
b) They win a super mega death rally (see rule 8).
8. Super mega death rallies occur when both players are tied with a score which is a prime number of at least 11. When a player wins it is as if they have won two points in a row, i.e.:
a) If the Pasta Masta wins, they win the game.
b) If the Scrag wins, they become the Pasta Masta AND receive one point.
9. Rules of the Thunfisch (pronounced TOON-fish, with "oo" as in "book") can be invoked once per game by each player, if the player is the Scrag and the other player has been the Pasta Masta for at least the last 3 rallies. To invoke ROTT, the player must loudly and dramatically state "Rules of the Thunfisch!" This is typically done at the beginning of the rally. While the rule is in effect, the player will be called the Thunfisch. The rule stays in effect until the Thunfisch scores a point and hence becomes the Pasta Masta. The Thunfisch may try to distract the other player (which would otherwise be against the rules) to break their concentration, subject to the following rules:
a) The Thunfisch can make whatever noises and movements they want.
b) The Thunfisch can use physical objects to distract the other player, but they must not come into contact with the ball, paddles, table, or other player.
c) No personal insults are allowed.
10. Before the Pasta Masta serves, they may swap ends with the Scrag if the two players' scores add to an even number.
11. For particularly important games, afterwards both players recieve a quantity of cheese proportional to the total time they spent as the Pasta Masta, to do with as they wish.
© Eddie McLean 2020